Jean introduces Marybeth.
Jean 00:36
Jean introduces MaryBeth Hyland, who has a bachelor's in social work and a master's in nonprofit management. She's the founder and chief visionary of SparksVision. Her focus is on values and specifically on value-driven boundaries. Her book is Permission to Be Human.
MaryBeth 03:20
People often ask me, what is it about values that you're so into? It's the language and the emotional intelligence that values unlock.
I was able to uncover the core values that we shared. Our core values get rewarded from the inside out. It makes us feel amazing when we're in alignment and we're activating them.
MaryBeth 05:05
Part of that is authenticity; around those are empathy and connection, transparency, creativity.
MaryBeth 06:19
Not only can teams and companies and communities and families thrive when they're in alignment with their core values but that really starts with the individual being in alignment within. It becomes a very different conversation than if it's an actual representation of how people are expected and held lovingly accountable to behavior.
MaryBeth 07:51
Core values gave me the language to unlock a deeper level of emotional intelligence that people already have within themselves.
Jean 08:31
You're saying leaders and the employees will feel free to act authentically. And since there's a match between what the organization says and what the behaviors are expected, they will have engagement.
MaryBeth 09:13
It's important to have boundaries. We want you to have this authentic expression of yourself, but not in a way that's going to damage or wound others.
Jean 11:15
What led you to even focus on what you came to call values? What's in your background?
MaryBeth 11:35
I was raised in a very toxic family environment where it was so obvious that my parents had clashing values, total opposite ends of the spectrum.
I had learned how to morph myself: then this behavior will change and all the tension in the room will get lower. I was really sensitive, highly emotionally intelligent, and it was labeled as a weakness.
MaryBeth 13:33
Now I recognize it as a superpower. There's an actual framework and philosophy and structure to the things that I've just been doing relatively intuitively. Emotional intelligence is around core values.
Jean 16:16
An organization is torn apart by racial strife where people, two sides, feel dismissed and disconnected and unfairly accused. They call you. What would you do?
MaryBeth 17:29
When there is conflict around a variety of issues, especially when race is involved, that is a really powerful moment to come together through core values. The majority of people have never actually thought about them on a deeper level than what was written there.
If one of the core values was transparency, there can be a really powerful dynamic of people individually reflecting on what does this mean?
Jean 20:11
Let’s say they all agree that transparency is a core value. The people who think that's racist behavior say I'm transparently telling you that what you're doing is racist. How might boundaries be put around that? And how does accountability fit into that?
MaryBeth 21:34
A lot of that depends on the structure of the organization and a lot of organizations don't have the capacity to do that.
We're going to bring in an individual or a resource that can support us so we can transparently get to the other side in a productive way.
You're going to invest in bringing in a specialist who can support that process of moving through.
Jean 24:32
Then the organization has the responsibility to provide them with the resources.
MaryBeth 26:05
If your values are not reflected in your budget, they're not your values.
I went to see an organization winning this values award. I asked them to help me understand how you figure out your budgets around your values and where you invest accordingly? She started just flubbing her words and had no idea how to answer that question.
Jean 30:01
You had five words: share the value, promise, pitfall, accountability, possibility.
How do they share the value? It's really helpful when there's one common definition that everybody works from.
MaryBeth 31:39
We would want them to come together as a team to create a definition of what transparency means. Let's just say transparency means openly sharing the good and the opportunities.
What I really love to have is something that I can see every day. Every day they have a reminder of that definition of transparency. Then we'd go on to the promise.
MaryBeth 33:19
It's like an internal Pledge of Allegiance. Creating a promise is like a code of conduct.
We could use the example of whenever we are in a one-on-one meeting, we will proactively bring up areas where we need clarification and celebrate our wins.
The first thing is, what questions do you have for me? I'd like you to come with one question to start us off with.
Jean 35:48
One of my programs, Pathfinders, after check-in everyone has to ask one question.
MaryBeth 36:16
The assumptions start to shift in the narrative because so much of people's beliefs and what they share have to do with assumptions that they've made about things. You could have saved yourself so much energy if you simply asked a question instead of jumping into what you believe is happening, and therefore needing to create a whole story. And that's actually being more respectful to them.
MaryBeth 38:38
We humans are often making up stories about what things mean. When you can have an honest, authentically transparent relationship and conversation with people, you can say I saw what you shared. I was concerned that maybe it had to do with our dynamic. Is that something we should discuss?
MaryBeth 39:23
That's a very different energy than igniting a defensiveness, which is what happens all the time in companies.
I got this incredible experience to learn so much of navigating toxic behaviors. I'm so grateful for it because with that is what I am now able to help so many people.
MaryBeth 40:58
A lot of people think boundaries are about keeping somebody out or keeping a distance. One of my favorite quotes is boundaries are the distance in which I can love you and me at the same time.
MaryBeth 42:40
It's really on the individuals in the conversation to take ownership of saying before we go into that, let's pause and back it up and honor our promise to start with questions.
Jean 43:24
Let me just remind people, they are sharing the value, then there's the value promise, and then there's the pitfall.
MaryBeth 43:32
Pitfall is very much like the shadow. What could go wrong?
You would say when that happens we will pause, regroup, and start again with asking questions.
Jean 44:08
We understand the transparency, what is the pitfall?
MaryBeth 46:00
What would happen to get in the way? When a pitfall happens, what is the response versus feeling ill-equipped when it happens
Jean 46:41
The next step is sabotage. Identify how the solution, agreed upon solution, can be sabotaged, and then you come up with then how do you rescue it?
And accountability is how do you save it?
MaryBeth 47:18
We keep moving with it. That's why I call it permission to be human. It takes strengthening and practicing and doing it poorly and to learn how to do it more effectively.
Jean 48:11
You gave an example of somebody who sent out an email before without checking. I'd like to debrief you on the scheduling process for the flow of future coaching sessions.
One of your core values is workplace balance: the loving accountability, fearful accountability. “Why didn't you check in with me before this email went out? Did you miss my instructions on this process? Now I have over 100 emails to come through and I'm wasting so much of my time because you didn't do what I expected you to do. I mean seriously what happened?”
Do you explicitly say “I would have liked you to check with me first”? state the contrast of what went wrong? or move into designing the new procedure where I'm checked in?
MaryBeth 51:01
Talk about what went wrong without it being an attack. That was actually a legitimate thing: I did have over a hundred emails. And it was my number one client.
And this was a new person I was working with, so we started off on a really bad foot.
I always want to start with why this matters and say something positive. Tie into a core value, basically always talking about what went well.
Jean 53:41
What do you want people to take away from this conversation?
MaryBeth 53:41
For people to understand their core values, the intrinsic motivators within them, what makes them feel the most alive, what gives them the most sense of energy and purpose.
When we are not holding our values true, we are trapped in somebody else's belief system.
Jean 55:30
Either I live according to my values or I suffer the consequences of what it feels like to live outside of them.
MaryBeth 55:37
Yes, and you know the difference. Your body knows the difference. Your mind knows the difference. Your spirit knows the difference. You know the difference.
You can find me on LinkedIn, MaryBeth Hyland, H -Y -L -A -N -D. We have a free quiz, corevaluesquiz.com. Take the self- assessment and get a values profile.
Jean 58:48
MaryBeth is centering values as the heart of what makes us come alive.
I have certainly had periods in my life where I've shown up at places and wondered, what am I doing here? What I was doing was not consistent with my core values and that's why I just didn't fit in there. In hindsight, this makes so much sense to me. Putting the same thing in the positive, she's saying, when we're living in accordance with our values, our life has purpose and meaning.
The second takeaway was the realization that if organizations want to be consistent with their values, they have to be willing to invest in them.
This is a lot to think about. I'm thinking now about how much MaryBeth's work on values is aligned with our own work on Conscious Change. In our book, we think of values as the foundation of who we are.
For an example, one of our conscious change skills is "identify with your values, not with your emotions." MaryBeth's work helps you get in touch with those values so you can use them as the foundation for creating the life and culture that you want.
Thanks for listening. Please like or subscribe to this podcast wherever you are. We'd love to hear your comment. And now put two books on your reading list. MaryBeth's book, Permission to be Human, and our own book, Conscious Change.
 MaryBeth Hyland As the Founder and Chief Visionary of SparkVision, MaryBeth Hyland knows that extraordinary success is rooted in the vision, values, and culture crafted by purpose-driven leaders and their tribes. With over 12 years of experience, built on knowledge from a BA in Social Work and MS in Nonprofit Management, she's known for her ability to create movements across generations. And she does that with the understanding that we all have a deep desire to know and return to our most authentic selves – at work, home and within. As a certified mediator, mindfulness instructor, and values expert she engages audiences and teams all over the world with her authentic style of facilitation, leadership keynote speaking, coaching and empowerment. Her recent awards include: "Circle of Excellence,” “Innovator of the Year,” “Top 100 Women,” “Civic Engagement Leader,” and “Leading Women.” Her personal life's mission is to create spaces where voices are heard, stories are released, and purpose is ignited.
Conscious Change skills
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