achieving your goals Archives

Why on earth would someone change their behavior just because you said so? And what  can you do about it?

Week after week, a manager complains to her staff about missed project deadlines. Usually, only one or two completely finish the tasks they were assigned. The others make some progress toward their weekly goals or none at all. She lectures them about taking personal responsibility for the team’s success.

An instructor gently chides students in his class for not participating more in class. As he stands in front of the classroom, looking at the 20 students clustered in rows in front of his desk, he says, “This is such a small class. We could have excellent participation if only you would talk more about the readings. If you want to advance in your careers, you need to learn to take more individual responsibility.”

A parent yells at her kid for dumping his books, jackets, and lunch box on the floor right by the door when she comes home from school every day. “This is your home,” she explains with exasperation in her voice. “When are you going to learn to take responsibility for how it looks?”

The concept of “leading consciously” implies individual responsibility — people willingly assuming conscious awareness of thoughts, emotions, and actions. Yet, individual responsibility alone won’t get us where we want to go if situational factors work against us. And lecturing others about individual responsibility is equally doomed to failure if their environment is compelling them in another direction.

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Anxiety Self Help

Experiencing Fear and Performing Anyway:  Emotional Clearing Technique #4

One day in class last year, a student asked me, “Do you have any tips on how not to be afraid when speaking in front of people?”  I responded that fear is an evolutionary gift, designed to protect us from harm.  However, in modern times, it may show up in situations in which we need to be bold in order to grow personally or professionally.  In those cases, I added, “I try not to give fear that kind of power over me.”

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Seeking Words of Encouragement in the Workplace

Seeking love and supportive feedback in all the wrong places

The young woman’s eyes filled with tears.  “Neither of my parents really cares about what I do or think.  I’m not even sure they love me.  Maybe they didn’t even want me.  It hurts me in my stomach to think about it.”

The conversation above is nearly true. (I changed a few details to protect my friend’s privacy.)

Not feeling cared for or recognized in the way we expect can hurt for sure. I know. For a good part of my childhood and young adulthood, I was convinced my parents didn’t love me.

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Discover Your Personal Organizational Style

Preface: I was delighted to discover this summary of one of my all-time favorite books on organization and time management. It was written by Natalie Houston and is reprinted here with permission of ProfHacker.  In the article below, Natalie tells of her experiences with the book.  In a future blog post, I will tell you how I use this information. 

Jean

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From Mindless Behavior to Leading Consciously

In the last few months, I have gotten into friendly debates with others about whether it is appropriate for local school boards to ban candy and soda from their public schools in light of the alarming increase in childhood obesity.

A recent Rasmussen Reports public poll shows how controversial an issue this is.  Results indicated that 52% of the public favors the ban and 40% oppose it.  This is a case in leading consciously.

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How to Get the Most Out of Coaching

Jennifer Joyce, co-founder of LeadershipSmarts, is this week’s guest blogger.

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Coaching is often a pivotal step in a person’s career. It represents a large investment of time, money, and personal work.  So how does one get the most out of such an important venture?

During my 15 years as a coach, I have found three keys to creating a successful engagement:

  • A clearly articulated coaching goal
  • Specific examples or stories from work, and
  • A willingness to look at self.

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What happens when we are really upset about something? Our minds become a swirling tempest and it’s hard to focus on what we are intending to do. We might also get into trouble — saying things that shouldn’t come out of our mouths or taking rash actions that could crash our careers. Because being able to handle our negative emotions is so important, Jean Ramsey and I devoted most of Chapter 3 to it in Reframing Change.

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Moving from our private troubles to public issues: Part III

While our personal troubles may feel very private to us, they may indeed reflect public issues for society as a whole.

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When is it okay for people talk about their problems?

Most people say they don’t want to talk about their personal problems because they are too private.  Some people put talking about *any* problem with anyone at any time off limits.  They endure their troubles alone.  Others will talk only with a very few trusted friends and family members, keeping everyone else at bay.

Then there’s the common admonition about not being one’s personal problems to the job, so that talking about difficulties in doing one’s job or even undue stress at home is verboten.  The assumption is that we are supposed to already have the answers or be able to handle our jobs or take care of ourselves without anyone’s help.

Is that true?  Can we handle it all without help? 

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ONLINE RESOURCE: Does multitasking really work for you?

[Notice -- this was originally published two weeks ago, but it somehow got deleted in the move to this URL.  I'm reposting it now for those of you who missed it.]

Most people I know–with one or two exceptions–think that multitasking does work for them. In fact, a friend of mine once proudly declared that she was excellent at it, having changed a diaper, baked a cake, and handled a business crisis over the phone, all within the same hour.

What the research says
Now there’s research to say that we are fooling ourselves.

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ONLINE RESOURCE: When Time Means Everything — Randy Pausch

Throughout Reframing Change, Jean Ramsey and I emphasize the importance of maintaining integrity. One of the ways many people, myself included, will go out of integrity is by how we manage time

— or more precisely, mismanage it. We promise others or ourselves that we surely will do this or that and then we end up not doing it. We then rationalize our lapse by saying that “time slipped away”, as though time was the culprit and not ourselves. In so doing, we fail to recognize our power or use it responsibly (Reframing Change, Chapter 6).

Managing time has been one of my major challenges most of my life. I’m much better than I used to be, as my friends and colleagues will happily attest, but nowhere near where I want to be. For that reason, I periodically seek out new sources of information about managing time and space.

I feel fortunate to have come across an excellent video about time management on YouTube by an credible source: Randy Pausch, then a professor at Carnegie Mellon who at the time he gave the speech knew he had lost his battle with pancreatic cancer and had only a few months to live. He passed on less than a year after giving this lecture.

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How to achieve your goals despite yourself

How to achieve your goals despite yourself

What keeps us from being the positive change we want to see? If you’re like me, here’s what happens. I start out full of resolve and commitment to actually accomplish things that I really want to do, but just can’t get up the gumption to do them: go to the health club, eat more vegetables, work on a proposal, or make that dreaded phone call.

Or, I might do things that I know aren’t good for me: eating high fat foods or too many sweets, procrastinating on things that would take me only a few minutes if I would just do them, or saying things that I know are inappropriate.

Either way, I find myself doing what I’ve decided not to do or I stop myself from doing what I really want to do. What causes these internal conflicts?

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