mind-body Archives

What do you do when things don’t go as you planned? 

At the end of last semester, I became swamped. Grading student papers took a full week. My students’ papers were so excellent, my initial plans to just dash through them fell by the wayside as I read their heartfelt summaries of what they had gained during the semester.  The good news is that they inspired me tremendously. During the week or so that I read through their papers, I saw clearly why this work is important, why I do what I do, and how it can foster personal achievement and success.

After grading was finished, I planned a hiatus during the Christmas holidays. I even had the audacity of imagining myself staying in bed all day reading whatever I wanted and getting clear on my goals for 2012.

But…as John Lennon said, “Life is what happens when you are making other plans.”  Life for me came in the form of computer and cell phone breakdowns, family and personal illnesses and upsets, and my own thwarted determination to dejunk piles of papers that had more nostalgic benefit than current utility.

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Most people I know feel time-pressured and I’m no exception. Because of this, I continuously seek out tips for organizing my work to increase my sense of personal achievement and success. Here it is near the end of the semester – only two more weeks of classes — and I find that yet again, I am spending my time mainly on what’s urgent rather than on what’s most important to me.  It has happened for me this way every November-December for the last umpteen years as the crush of end of the semester school work takes up more and more of my time. Case in point: this is my first blog post in two weeks even though it’s important to me and I enjoy it.

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Preface: A participant in one of my workshops on Reframing Change sent the essay below to the other participants and me. It comes from the web site of John H. Lienhard who hosts the highly acclaimed PBS radio show, Engines of our Ingenuity. As the participant explained in her e-mail to us, “[The essay] puts together many of the things we’ve learned as a group in ‘Reframing Change’.”

Her cover e-mail emphasized several phrases which I have bolded below because I agree with her emphasis.

I am reproducing the essay with permission of the author, Megan Cole, and John Lienhard as radio host. After the essay, I add a few comments.

Read the rest of this entry

Chronically stressed or happy at work – Part 3

In Part 1 of this series, we talked about the chronic stress experienced by many people in today’s organizations. Much of that stress may be accounted for by tremendous workloads and pressures to produce in today’s organizations.

In Part 2, we talked about one organization, Zappos, an online shoe store, whose CEO seeks to reverse that trend by focusing on employee happiness. In his business model, happy employees provide better service and better service brings and keeps customers.

Meanwhile, though, if our organization doesn’t seem to do enough to help us alleviate our stress, much less promote our happiness, what do the rest of us do?

How might we consciously use ourselves to cope more effectively with our own stress?

You already know the standard prescriptions: take care of your body through exercise and healthy foods, keep a gratitude journal, use time management strategies that work for you, find and use an emotional clearing technique, and so forth.  We discuss the gratitude journal and emotional clearing in Reframing Change.

But what if we are so stressed out and so busy we just can’t make time to do those things?

That’s the irony, isn’t it? Many of us are so time-poor and stressed out that we don’t believe we can take the time to follow these standard prescriptions.

Here’s where an understanding of what causes unhealthy stress is helpful. Some stress is good. Competing in a sport, or learning a new task, for example, can be stressful, but can also energize us and spur our learning.

Chronic stress, though, is unhealthy. Chronic stress is what occurs when we keep going and going and going without allowing time for recovery. With no let-up, our bodies and our minds give out. We become physically tired, emotionally depleted, and mentally unable to focus. Studies have repeatedly shown that under the high demands of chronic stress, people become less innovative, less supportive of one another, and more likely to stereotype and demean one another.

Rather than having a natural fluctuation of stress followed by relaxation, we experience stress and more stress and still more stress. High workloads, high-pressure deadlines, and frequent interruptions make it hard for most of us to give ourselves permission to relax.

Now add to this a work culture in which those who work the longest and the hardest are the most rewarded and become organizational heroes. In many work settings, taking time for self-care is anathema — a sign of laziness, selfishness, or indifference to “getting ahead.”

The other day, I ran into an acquaintance at the supermarket. “Staying busy?” she asked me with a smile. This is a typical greeting. But why not ask me, “Are you finding time to relax?” What’s with our work culture that we are encouraged by acquaintances to “stay busy”?

So how do we schedule in periods of recovery?

Instead of waiting for that golden opportunity for the two week vacation that never comes, schedule in some short (even tiny) periods of recovery every day.

In our home office, my husband and I have accidentally stumbled upon a solution that definitely helps. For health reasons, we moved the printer into another room. This means that whenever I print, I have to get out of my chair to get the document. I had thought this would be annoying.

Instead, that tiny change that has made a surprising difference for me. No more three-hour stints in front of the computer. When I get up to go get a document, I often find myself taking a moment to do something else — tidying up, stretching a bit, or finding something to munch on.

That small break is enough to sustain me for another period of writing and work. By the time I sit down, my mental batteries are just recharged enough so that I can focus anew on what I was doing.

Why does that work? Jim Loeher and Tony Schwartz, authors of the “Corporate Athlete,” noticed that the best tennis competitors engaged in “precise recovery rituals” in between points. They would concentrate on the strings on their rackets, assume a confident posture, or visualize the next play.

These rituals allowed players to avoid succumbing to frustrations and instead to focus on what was happening in the moment, and prepare for the next point. Athletes who didn’t have good recovery rituals in between matches were more likely to choke under pressure and scored less points.

What does this mean for you and me?

Here’s the recommendation:

Establish a pattern of oscillation between focused work and mental relaxation — that is, between stress and recovery — throughout the day.

Loeher and Schwartz recommend doing this every 90 to 120 minutes. I have found that shorter periods work better for me. The point is, to systematically seek to establish your own rhythm. You’ll know it when you find it. Once you find it, you won’t want to do without it.

Why is it worth doing? This blog is written for people who want to make positive changes in their sphere of influence. If you are the instrument that you will use to make that difference, then you are worth taking care of.

Questions:

  1. What techniques do you use to manage your stress? Do they work?
  2. Do you have a ritual for recovery that you use throughout the day? Does it work?

References:

Kimberly, D. E., & Andrew, B. H. (2006). Enhancing creativity through “mindless” work: A framework of workday design. Organization Science, 17(4), 470.

Loehr, J., & Schwartz, T. (2001). The making of a corporate athlete. Harvard Business Review, 79(1), 120-128.

 

In Part 1 of this series, we talked about the chronic stress experienced by many people in today’s organizations. Much of that stress may be accounted for by tremendous workloads and pressures to produce in today’s organizations. http://leadingconsciously.com/making-positive-changes/chronically-stressed-or-happy-at-work-part1/

In Part 2, we talked about one organization, Zappos, an online shoe store, whose CEO seeks to reverse that trend by focusing on employee happiness. In his business model, happy employees provide better service and better service brings and keeps customers. http://leadingconsciously.com/making-positive-changes/chronically-stressed-or-happy-at-work-part1/

Meanwhile, though, if our organization doesn’t seem to do enough to help us alleviate our stress, much less promote our happiness, what do the rest of us do?

How might we cope more effectively with our own stress?

You already know the standard prescriptions: take care of your body through exercise and healthy foods, keep a gratitude journal, use time management strategies that work for you, find and use an emotional clearing technique, and so forth. http://leadingconsciously.com/uncategorized/online-resource-when-time-means-everything-randy-pausch/.

But what if we are so stressed out and so busy we just can’t make time to do those things?

That’s the irony, isn’t it? Many of us are so time-poor and stressed out that we don’t believe we can take the time to follow these standard prescriptions.

Here’s where an understanding of what causes unhealthy stress is helpful. Some stress is good. Competing in a sport, or learning a new task, for example, can be stressful, but can also energize us and spur our learning.

Chronic stress, though, is unhealthy. Chronic stress is what occurs when we keep going and going and going without allowing time for recovery. With no let-up, our bodies and our minds give out. We become physically tired, emotionally depleted, and mentally unable to focus. Studies have repeatedly shown that under the high demands of chronic stress, people become less innovative, less supportive of one another, and more likely to stereotype and demean one another.

Rather than having a natural fluctuation of stress followed by relaxation, we experience stress and more stress and still more stress. High workloads, high-pressure deadlines, and frequent interruptions make it hard for most of us to give ourselves permission to relax.

Now add to this a work culture in which those who work the longest and the hardest are the most rewarded and become organizational heroes. In many work settings, taking time for self-care is anathema — a sign of laziness, selfishness, or indifference to “getting ahead.”

The other day, I ran into an acquaintance at the supermarket. “Staying busy?” she asked me with a smile. This is a typical greeting. But why not ask me, “Are you finding time to relax?” What’s with our work culture that we are encouraged by acquaintances to “stay busy”?

So how do we schedule in periods of recovery?

Instead of waiting for that golden opportunity for the two week vacation that never comes, schedule in some short (even tiny) periods of recovery every day.

In our home office, my husband and I have accidentally stumbled upon a solution that definitely helps. For health reasons, we moved the printer into another room. This means that whenever I print, I have to get out of my chair to get the document. I had thought this would be annoying.

Instead, that tiny change that has made a surprising difference for me. No more three-hour stints in front of the computer. When I get up to go get a document, I often find myself taking a moment to do something else — tidying up, stretching a bit, or finding something to munch on.

That small break is enough to sustain me for another period of writing and work. By the time I sit down, my mental batteries are just recharged enough so that I can focus anew on what I was doing.

Why does that work? Jim Loeher and Tony Schwartz, authors of the “Corporate Athlete,” noticed that the best tennis competitors engaged in “precise recovery rituals” in between points. They would concentrate on the strings on their rackets, assume a confident posture, or visualize the next play.

These rituals allowed players to avoid succumbing to frustrations and instead to focus on what was happening in the moment, and prepare for the next point. Athletes who didn’t have good recovery rituals in between matches were more likely to choke under pressure and scored less points.

What does this mean for you and me?

Here’s the recommendation: Establish a pattern of oscillation between focused work and mental relaxation — that is, between stress and recovery — throughout the day. Loeher and Schwartz recommend doing this every 90 to 120 minutes. I have found that shorter periods work better for me. The point is, to systematically seek to establish your own rhythm. You’ll know it when you find it. Once you find it, you won’t want to do without it.

Why is it worth doing? This blog is written for people who want to make positive changes in their sphere of influence. If you are the instrument that you will use to make that difference, then you are worth taking care of.

Questions:

1. What techniques do you use to manage your stress? Do they work?

2. Do you have a ritual for recovery that you use throughout the day? Does it work?

References:

Kimberly, D. E., & Andrew, B. H. (2006). Enhancing creativity through “mindless” work: A framework of workday design. Organization Science, 17(4), 470.

Loehr, J., & Schwartz, T. (2001). The making of a corporate athlete. Harvard Business Review, 79(1), 120-128.

Preface: Workplace Undercover is a regular feature of this blog. The scenario below was written by Eillen Bui, our research associate. Responding to this scenario is Stephanie Foy, Project Manager for Leading Consciously and Principal of Foy and Associates.
To quickly review Part A : Jeff, a manager, was hard time discussing Kathy’s performance with her during her annual review. So far, Stephanie has made two recommendations: encourage everyone to take a deep breath to diffuse anxiety and increase openness and receptivity, and assume a strength-focused approach, identifying what you appreciate and agree with.

Let’s continue with Stephanie’s recommendations on what Jeff might do next: Read the rest of this entry

Preface: Workplace Undercover is a regular feature of this blog. The scenario below was written by Eillen Bui, our research associate. Responding to this scenario is Stephanie Foy, Project Manager for Leading Consciously and Principal of Foy and Associates.
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The scenario: Kathy was running a little late for her first annual review. She hurriedly pushed the door open to the meeting room and smiled apologetically to her manager.

“Sorry I’m late. I was helping a customer pick out a winter jacket.”

Although somewhat annoyed, Jeff spoke up and repeated the company’s mantra, “Customers always come first.”

Jeff cleared his throat and started off, “This is your first review. I’d like to hear from you: what do you think some of your strengths and weaknesses are and have you overcome any of those weaknesses?”

“If you look at my sales record, you will see that I am one of the salespersons with the highest number in sales. I also believe I’m great with communicating and helping people, so customers absolutely love me. I’m confident that I have the lead in customer satisfaction as well. Whenever I am not helping a customer, I’m always busy putting away the clothes customers have tried on,” Kathy replied.

Jeff looked at Kathy expectantly and when she didn’t say anything further, he asked, “Do you believe you have any weaknesses?”

“No,” Kathy quickly said. “I don’t believe I have any.”

“Well, I have looked at your sales for the whole year and it seems that you missed your sales quota quite a few times. And—”, Jeff continued. Kathy interjected, “I might not have met my quota a few months, but I more than made up for it in other months. Not every salesperson is going to have great sales every month. If you look at my total overall sales, I believe I’m one of the best salespersons at this company.”

“Kathy,” Jeff said calmly, “I have looked at your sales record and you are the one with the lowest sales. You also have a lot of customer complaints these past few months. It seems as though—”.

“But that’s impossible!” Kathy said in a high, screechy voice. “All the customers I have helped say I am very friendly and very helpful. I don’t understand why I would have any complaints. And I don’t believe I have the worst sales record. Janine is a much worse salesperson than I am and she’s been working here for almost three years. I hardly ever see her talking to a customer.”

Jeff took a deep breath. “Kathy, I was trying to explain to you what the customers said they loved about you. They did comment that you are always ready with a smile and very helpful. But you don’t listen to what they want. For example, if they asked you to help them find black slacks and a blouse for a cocktail party, you would come back with a red dress. Can you please explain why you would disregard customers’ requests?”

“Because I know what would look good on them and flatter their body type,” Kathy responded.

“Do you understand what the customers’ complaints are actually about? Do you think not heeding customers’ desires might be the cause for your low sales performance?” Jeff asked.

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Do you believe that Kathy felt attacked by Jeff? Was she already on the defensive as soon as she walked into the performance review? Do you think that Jeff powerfully utilized his listening skills and showed openness towards Kathy? How could Jeff have relayed his corrective feedback to Kathy more effectively?

When was a time when you gave or received corrective feedback and it worked for you? How did you feel at the time? What made it work?
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Today’s Response by Stephanie Foy of Leading Consciously. This is an unfortunate situation that happens all too often. Prior to the annual review, staff members may have gotten little if any feedback. Then, when the stakes are high, and people are naturally more anxious, they hear negative feedback for the first time. Such seemed to be the case with Kathy.It was evident that Jeff was caring and doing all he knew to do to get Kathy to hear his feedback. Let’s consider some approaches that would have made this go smoother.

1. Encourage everyone to take a deep breath.

When Kathy arrives late, it is clear she feels a bit uncertain and possibly defensive. Jeff does a good job of giving her positive reinforcement by telling her that customers had commented on her smile and helpfulness.

He could have also given her reassurance and said “Have a seat and take a deep breath, we may be starting a bit late, but we can manage the time”. The suggestion to breathe is helpful in any stressful situation. It calms us, slows the heart rate, and brings more oxygen to the brain which helps us think more clearly.

After the verbal suggestion, Jeff could model the actual behavior by intentionally taking a couple of deep breaths himself. This start would create a more receptive space for both of them for the conversation that was about to take place.

Intentionally taking deep breaths, the kind others hear, will give a subconscious message and most people will automatically begin to take a deep breath themselves. This is a tool that anyone can employ in any situation to help decrease stress and anxiety and increase openness and receptivity.

2. Focus on strengths

To begin the review, Jeff asked Kathy to talk about her strengths and her weaknesses and what she did to overcome them. Although he said “strengths,” in similar situations, especially when feeling a bit uncertain anyway as Kathy must have, many people’s minds will jump to the weaknesses. They begin to wonder, “Oh my, I wonder what they are going to tell me?” and to go into a defensive mode. This is what Kathy did.

Alternatively, Jeff might have been more strength-focused as discussed in Chapter 4 of Reframing Change. He could have told Kathy that the intention of the review was to help her be as successful as she could be at Company XYZ. This conveys a future-orientation and that he has positive expectations for her employment.

By saying “Let’s start with your strengths,” Jeff could have given her feedback about a couple of her strongest behaviors that he had in fact noticed and appreciated.

He could have said, “Kathy, I want to start by saying I have noticed that you are very dependable—you are always on time and ready for work. It is so important that we are ready to greet our customers when we first open and your dependability is something we count on.”

Jeff could then follow up by asking, “Now, Kathy tell me some of what you think your strengths are.”

Given the strength–based tone of the conversation, Kathy will feel less defensive and less need to overinflate her strengths. While she may not still have a realistic picture of her performance, she is more likely to be honest and receptive.

As she talks about her strengths, Jeff should give verbal and nonverbal agreement for those that he concurs with, saying “I agree” and nodding his head. When he disagreed, he could still demonstrate openness and inquiry and say something like, “I see that a little differently, but I can see why you might think that. Let’s discuss this more as we move along”.

Once Kathy has shared her strengths and believes she has been heard as evidenced by his responses, she will be in a better place to hear his corrective feedback on her performance.

To be continued in Part B

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Stephanie Foy is Principal of Foy & Associates and a consultant and coach, specializing in enhancing personal and organizational performance, growth and wellbeing. Stephanie is also the Project Manager for Leading Consciously.