Conscious Change Skill #33: Set a Direction, Not Fixed Outcomes

I learned the phrase, “This or something better,” from my dear friend, Stephanie Foy, many moons ago. It has helped guide me through life's uncertainties and is the foundation of our book, Conscious Change.

The phrase has kept me from getting locked in more times than I can count. When Jean Ramsey and I were developing the skills in Conscious Change, we read the research about the advantages of having a clear direction while also allowing for changes in the environment. Skill #33 is the result.

Worry and Your Beliefs About Yourself

“This or something better” allows me to be open to new possibilities.

But recently, I came across a quote that startled me: "Worry is betting against yourself." It made me pause and reflect on my own experiences with worry and how it limits my ability to even consider “something better.” I realized that every time I worried, I was essentially betting against my own ability to create positive outcomes, just as the quote says.

The Law of Success

Napolean Hill’s mammoth book, The Law of Success, and its much shorter successor, Think and Grow Rich are the predecessors of the methodology now known as the Law of Success. I’ve read them both.

Through the years, I have used those and similar books to manifest the things I truly want.

To illustrate my approach, here is what happened when my husband and I were searching for the perfect house:

1. Define what you want: After a frustrating year of looking, we each created vision boards with all the elements we desired. I knew that if we weren't very specific, we might end up with a house that didn't truly satisfy us. So, we got a bunch of magazines, cut out the pictures we were drawn to, and glued them onto our separate poster boards. I remember repeating the mantra "this or something better" when it was finished.

2. Take the first steps: We posted the vision boards on the wall and then I asked myself, "If this were to happen, what would be one of the first things I would do?" I was very discouraged after a year of searching but buoyed up somewhat by the vision boards. The next step was obvious: call a new realtor.

3. Believe it's possible: This is why the quote about worry really hit home. When looking for our house, I had to overcome doubts about affordability and suitability – and me! Did I really deserve such a house? Was it beyond my means?

For the next few weeks, I worked hard on mentally putting myself in that house, using creative visualization to imagine living there. I explored every reservation and disputed it until I convinced myself I should be in that house.

As a side note, it’s also advisable to be selective about sharing: In the first search, I had told friends we were looking, and they helpfully would ask how the search was coming. Saying “not yet” over and over again was part of my discouragement. This time, I only told people who wouldn't inquire about progress. Sometimes, I've had to ask friends not to bring up the topic until I was ready to discuss it.

4. Look for signs that it's on its way: Rejections can be a sign that the exact right thing is on its way. Make a positive spin about any rejections.  Once, during a job search, I was turned down for being "overqualified." Instead of worrying, I chose to see it as a blessing - that job would have made me miserable!

In our house search, we found what we thought was the perfect house; only it turned out it was built on a fault. Half of the house could have sunk into the ground.

We reminded ourselves that we had asked for “this or something better” and accepted the whole thing as a small win (Conscious Change skill #36) that we had escaped without losing money. 

5. Recognize it when you get it: We both knew immediately when we found our perfect house. I was amazed at how closely it resembled my vision board. Interestingly, my husband didn't see the similarity at all, reminding me of the quote from The Little Prince: "One sees only with the heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye."

Yet it fit enough elements in his vision board that he also knew this was it. We had manifested our dream.

Bet on Yourself

My wish for you this New Year is to develop your own methodology for

• Aligning with your goals,
• Not sinking into worry and disillusionment if they don’t come as fast as you had hoped, and
• Remaining open to all the wonderful possibilities that await.

Remember, worry is betting against yourself. Instead, bet on your ability to create the life you want, even if the outcome looks slightly different from what you initially imagined.

Here's to a year of growth, manifestation, and embracing "this or something better"!

Happy New Year.

Jean