Earlier this week, I saw this from the Daily Stoic:

Discipline now

Freedom later

I chuckled, because self-discipline and I have an uneasy relationship.

Self-discipline is defined as “a person’s ability to struggle with temptations and active effort in pursuit of long-term aims.”¹ Too often, I lose that struggle.

Studies have found that:

• Self-discipline is a stronger predictor of academic performance than IQ.²
• A lack of self-discipline can hamper performance, making us less productive and less likely to be successful in organizational settings.
• People who exercise self-discipline are more likely to feel peaceful, happy, and self-sufficient than those who are less disciplined in general.³

So yes, there are unequivocal benefits to self-discipline.

There are limits, of course, if we allow self-discipline to overwhelm us; then we end up feeling that nothing we can do will ever be good enough.  Self-discipline without self-compassion backfires.⁴ Our criticisms of our missed attempts slow us down rather than motivates.

One has to wonder: doesn’t self-discipline imply giving up freedom, not gaining it? 

Then I saw this video snippet of Elvire Teza doing an amazing move in a gymnastic tournament at Sydney in 2000.

As she soared into the air, she displayed a bodily control that can only come with disciplined excellence. I gasped as I saw her freedom to move at will.  

The closest I have come to that feeling was on my cherished swing set and sliding board as a child. I could do “tricks” on both that felt dangerous, exhilarating, and immensely freeing from the constraints of gravity and traditional boundaries.

Of course, my childhood tricks on the backyard play equipment hardly belong in the same breath as what Teza is capable of. 

And being able to do what she does has likely opened more doors than she could’ve ever imagined before her gymnastic days.

In my world, the same is true. Rigorous self-discipline, when I exercise it, unexpectedly opens doors and brings me benefits that I could not have imagined and would not have had otherwise. 

That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard for me. As I said earlier, self-discipline and I have an uneasy relationship. I’m highly distractible. Yet by all measures I have been successful in my field.

How? Every few years, I add new tools to my toolkit to keep me focused and on my chosen path.  Over the last year, I have had success with three new ones.

First, the visual timer, which I use as a last resort whenever I have a dreaded task. I set it for 15 minutes and tell myself I can at least do that much toward the task. This is a variation of the saying, “Eat the frog.” I can’t stomach eating a whole frog all at once, but I can tackle it in bite-size segments. 

The advantage of the visual timer is that, with a glance, I can see how much longer I have before I am allowed to release myself. 

And wonder of all wonders, sometimes I find myself engrossed enough in the task that I don’t want to stop right then. Consuming the frog turns out to not be as unpleasant as I had anticipated.

My second new tool is brain.fm.

I usually go to Brain.fm on my computer, although it’s also available as a smartphone app. I set it to play background piano music for “deep work” with a “high neural effect.” The sound is pleasant, yet vaguely stimulating without being overpowering. It’s just enough to keep me engaged and motivated to continue what I’m working on.

The third tool is accountability partners (AP). My sister Judy and I used to do this for each other. After she died, I let the concept get away from me. 

Then, last week, I realized I needed an accountability partner for a series of tasks I sincerely wanted to do, but just hadn’t been able to exert the needed self-discipline to complete. I contracted with a colleague two days ago to get it done, and last night at midnight, I finished the first task. As I told my AP, I never would have done it without feeling accountable to him.

My takeaways: 

• Self-discipline is not easy, but it can pay off if I make the investment of time and effort.
• This requires that I consciously distinguish between immediate pleasures and the satisfaction of achieving longer term goals.
• Sometimes I just don’t want to do what I have declared needs to be done. When this happens, tools are essential to put me into action.
• When I do choose to exercise self-discipline to complete a difficult task, I gain an unexpected sense of freedom and peace of mind as I let go of the feeling of holding my own self back.
• As I let go of constraints and gain a new sense of freedom and peace of mind, unexpected new opportunities often pop up. How this happens and how often this happens still amaze me.

1 Şimşir, Z. and B. Dilmaç (2022). "The mediating roles of grit and life satisfaction in the relationship between self-discipline and peace: Development of the self-discipline scale: Research and Reviews." Current Psychology 41(12): 8322-8332.

           

2 Duckworth, A. L. and M. E. P. Seligman (2005). "Self-discipline outdoes IQ in predicting academic performance of adolescents." Psychological science 16(12): 939-944.

           

3 Şimşir, Z. and B. Dilmaç (2022). "The mediating roles of grit and life satisfaction in the relationship between self-discipline and peace: Development of the self-discipline scale: Research and Reviews." Current Psychology 41(12): 8322-8332.

           

4 Pisani, H. (2024). The dark side of self-discipline. WellBeing: 72.